I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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