i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You don't make any sense
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