I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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