we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
