I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
