She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize