I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
