You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
