Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize