Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
