the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
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