508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
