When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
PANTIES FOUND
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