Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
They took my balls.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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