I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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