my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I currently don't understand fingers.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
