Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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