Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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