new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
