I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
