Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
