I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
