I think my vagina is haunted
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
