Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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