3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
