If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
