What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
