This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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