One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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