I just cut my nipple shaving
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Randomize
