last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
