i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
