if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
