My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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