I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
