FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
