Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
