Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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