I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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