it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
