She's JV to your varsity
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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