The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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