Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
