and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
