you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
