It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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