There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
