So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Randomize
