I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Two words: nipple clamps
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