I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
