After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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