bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
