I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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