Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
