College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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