Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
