I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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