and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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