remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
