oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
