Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Randomize
