Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
