I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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