Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize