His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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