Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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