I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
