If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Everything about him screamed your future.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize