I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
