sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize